*The following content contains accounts of sexual assault and suicidal ideation that some readers may find disturbing.*
Toye joined the Marine Corps to escape the abuse in her small hometown. What she didn’t know was her enlistment would start another cycle of trauma and hardship. This is her story of overcoming the unthinkable, thanks to her inner strength and her Service Dog, Bake.
Toye knew that she wanted to join the Marine Corps since seeing a TV commercial in 6th grade. She thought they looked sharp and disciplined. It was a calling to her. Growing up in an abusive household, she knew the military was her ticket out.
“Little did I know that I was leaving one abusive environment and heading into another one,” she remembers.
It started with her recruiter sexually assaulting and exploiting her when she was 17 years old. Toye felt that if she didn’t do what he wanted, she wouldn’t be able to join the Marine Corps. Soon, she would head off to bootcamp. She thought this situation would be behind her.
After bootcamp, Toye was sexually assaulted three more times. She never reported it.
“That’s just something we didn’t do,” she said. “Victims were often to blame.”
When Toye got to her first duty station, she was sexually assaulted one more time.
The wounds didn’t end there. Toye was also sexually harassed throughout her entire career, countless times. It became normal for her to experience wherever she went.
A lot of people downplay sexual harassment,” she said. “If you’ve been sexually assaulted, especially multiple times, sexual harassment only solidifies what you’ve been told as a victim.”
Toye is one of about 30,000 service members who become victims of unwanted sexual contact in the military each year. According to the Department of Veterans Affairs, one of every three active-duty women and one of 50 men reported experiencing Military Sexual Trauma in the past year. That number is said to be higher. It only accounts for those who formally report such assaults; many don’t for fear of retaliation and other reasons. The VA says MST can negatively impact a Veteran’s mental health, leading to symptoms like disturbing memories or nightmares, difficulty feeling safe, depression, self-doubt and feelings of isolation.
While she hadn’t reported any of what happened to her, Toye became a victim advocate in the Marines and even worked as a crisis counselor at a rape crisis center.
Retiring from the Marines left Toye shellshocked. Going from a busy, regimented life to the civilian world was difficult. It brought up trauma she didn’t know she was storing. Her PTSD and depression steadily worsened over the next two and a half years.
“I thought I had dealt with my demons, but I just kept burying them.”
Toye became suicidal and started making a plan.
It was during a panic attack while talking to a friend when the idea of Service Dogs came up. She started searching online and found K9s For Warriors. Though her trauma robbed her of many memories, Toye will always remember the moment she first met her rescued Service Dog, Bake.
I don’t remember my second child’s first steps, my third child’s first word, you name it,” she said. “But I don’t think I’ll ever forget the day I laid eyes on [Bake]."
Toye tried to play it cool, but she couldn’t help herself from running up to Bake and hugging him with tears in her eyes. She knew it was going to be okay. From that day forward, Bake became Toye’s lifeline.
“He’s patient with me. He gives me confidence. He’s there in whatever way I need him.”
At first, Toye says she felt she wasn’t broken enough for a Service Dog. She assumed other Veterans had it much worse.
“Trauma is trauma,” she said. “If it affects your life, it was traumatic. Don’t minimize your experiences or your trauma because someone else had it worse.”
Today, Toye still does mentorship and advocacy work with sexual assault victims. Last April, she lobbied in Washington, DC for Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Toye says she wouldn’t have been able to do that without Bake by her side.
“I can’t speak for other survivors, but by speaking about my experience, I give a voice to those who don’t have the strength to come forward right now,” she said.
Since their pairing, Toye and Bake have traveled around the U.S., gone camping and even hiked parts of the Appalachian Trail, something that was on her bucket list. Above all, Bake has allowed Toye to discover who she is. She has come a long way… from the young girl vying for an escape from her hometown to a Marine Veteran who came out on top of her trauma. While PTSD and MST don’t go away, Toye can now do something she didn’t think was possible before. She can envision her future.
“I am planning for the future because I can see it,” she said. “I’m thinking of myself. I’ve got a lot to offer.”
